When He Seems Unreal, He's Not Fully Here

I sit down to pray sometimes and I think I totally don’t feel anything right now.

And I think I wrongly assume that means God isn’t real because I was told he is always here.

But I think the more accurate assumption may be that he just isn’t fully here right now like I was told he always would be. I mean, I think that although the holy spirit is always with us, and our prayers are always heard, I think maybe we can feel the fuller presence of God at some times more than others. I mean when he showed up in the bible sometimes it knocked people off their donkeys or blinded them or made them dumb. And doesn’t it totally feel different when you know someone, like a roommate or something, is in the room with you. It just feels different when someone’s there.

But I don’t think this means that is how he always shows up. I think sometimes when I cry for no reason during Sunday worship it might just be God’s hands massaging the pain from that week out of my heart.

And it also doesn’t mean that when you don’t feel anything, he can’t be there. He may have a reason to visit us unnoticed (like a husband might sneak a peak at his bride getting dressed on their wedding day). Or perhaps it is because we, with what’s going on inside of us, are not at a spot to feel very much of anything that day.

So if we ever pray and we don’t feel God is there, maybe we can remember that it doesn’t mean He isn’t real, and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t receive our prayers, and feel every leaning of your heart. He can still be very real, and who knows, maybe he is there, but the rest of him is looking at you from afar knowing he will come to you soon, partly because he knows we will be ever more desperate to see him for the waiting.

Raw Spoon, 5-20-16