Cockroach in Lingerie
Some desires are not my own but threaten to make me theirs.
When they get inside of me they change what I really want and who I am.
For example, we were made to love, and I want to marry and love a wife when it is time. But I have seen the power of pornography and fantasy and how they make me want someone for sex instead of love and they teach me wanderlust instead of devotion. It’s shameful, but intoxicating.
It’s kind of like I’m trying to tidy up my life, like my own little household, making it appealing and ready for a woman who will want to share it with me. But as I’m sweeping the floor I notice a shadow at the door. I’m lonely and maybe impatient, and when I open the door it’s a human-sized cockroach in lingerie. It’s gross but she looks kind of good in a way. And she has a bag of Swedish fish, has an expansive network of friends, and says she’ll take away my loneliness for a little while. And so I let her in.
But after she is in it turns out she is extremely bossy, and starts hanging up her pictures, covering the windows, and moving the furniture around. But I can’t seem to kick her or her millions of little friends out and soon I can’t remember what it was like without her. I begin to get used to the stink and wonder if I’ve always felt so defeated.
What I want to say is that we should learn the power of the pests that threaten our household and recognize them for what they are before they get a foot in the door. And then- this is the key- we must fear them. Throw the door open with rage, spray them in the eyes with Raid and sick the dog on them. Make sure they gets a glimpse of how adamant you are about keeping them away. You are preparing a place for your wife to live.
And then when the real woman knocks, your household will be fortified and clean. Your eyes will be bright, and she won’t ask why the blinds are always down, or why there are pictures of bugs on the walls.
Whatever seductive pests are yours, recognize them and learn to fear them for their power so they will not sneak in and make you theirs.