Lexington watched the tattered, stringy pigeon hobble close to him. It was skeletal and albino, maybe that was why Lex seemed to be his only friend. When it pecked at a seed Lex looked with hungry eyes and thought, "Did I miss something?" The bird shook the grain of stone from its mouth.
Lex leaned back into his blankets, against the wall and mumbled, "Look at the birds... does not your father feed them?" He mumbled to the pigeon. "Well, maybe not you... Or me. I think we have finally proven God a liar."
He had tried to believe. But these were the cold nights in Chicago: negative digits. He had worn out all the shelters in the city with his schizophrenia and ever since COVID his coughing stole his energy to stand on a street corner. He hadn't really eaten for a week and now he couldn't feel anything below his knees or elbows. His shoes and a blanket had been stolen yesterday. That's when he had given up on getting help.
He slumped to his side and rested his head on a rock. The pigeon waddled closer to him, curiously. "They taught me in church God always provides. I guess that's because the other folks didn't live to tell about it."
He let out a breath that felt like his last puff of heat. His last hope in God was draining out as well. He was really hungry but he realized food didn't really matter that much, it was just a sensation. He was cold, but that didn't matter much as he had thought either, it's just his scared body telling him the temperature. These bodies were just a lump of meat, really. But he was suddenly getting very sad that all his memories and thoughts and even his friendship with this little bird would now probably just disappear as soon as his body failed.
The pigeon hobbled strangely close to him. Lex could have pet it. From this angle he suddenly thought, "It's a dove!" He just saw so many pigeons he hadn't realized it was a dove.
And then he heard a fully formed sentence in his head, "I saw the spirit descend on him like a dove."
"You've been with me this whole time?" The bird stood in front of him, pivoting its head like pigeons and doves do.
And suddenly he felt a different type of warmth than his body could feel. It was love and friendship. And a different type of fullness than his stomach could sense; it was these words for him. His soul really was that essence worth everything and he was beginning to see how it was rich in God's presence. And always had been. It was just that nobody could ever see it.
The dove stood in the same spot, bobbing its head. It was waiting for something. Slowly Lex smiled and let his eyes close. He had had this little companion for a long time, and it wasn't about to let him do this journey alone.
God was not a liar;
Raw Spoon, March 16, 2022
