I’ve realized mourning is a process you can’t rush.
And I think maybe this is why for most of the time in it, it seems like God doesn't really say anything. You know, I guess sometimes I hear things like, "I think you're beautiful." Or "wait" but there's no solution to the pain. Nothing we can do about it. He’s just with me. I know I usually try to fix things. But in the situation of grief, we just cry in his presence, and wait.
It feels like when my mom used to hold me and rock me in that old creaky rocking chair, waiting for the crying to run its course. Nothing to fix. The sadness just has to run its course.
And I think that’s the point. She wanted the pain to end for me if she can but in some cases the point is just to be with me while I pour out my pain.
And I think that’s maybe why God seems kind of silent during my grief.
Raw Spoon,
8-24, 2020
