I can think of some things lately that although I think God wants me to do something better, I still do the worse thing. The lazy or selfish thing. And I justify it to myself because I’m so spiritual that I assume I can make these decisions without him.
But also lately a friend of mine has been telling me the things that she hears God say to her, like pretty often. I got all skeptical and tried to prove to her there was no way for her to know it was always God.
And she humbly admits that probably some of the stuff she hears ‘from God’ maybe is other voices, but most of the stuff she ‘hears’ really does seem to be beautiful and life changing to her. I’ve seen it work! Like it gives her a peace that most people don’t have. And when I talked through my skepticism with her, we sort of realized that I was discounting super religious things because I hadn’t heard God in the same way.
And then I thought about the times God might have been speaking to me. Like when I feel like I hear I’m not supposed to do something that is probably a sin but I do it anyway. Or I feel like maybe I should slow down and pray, but I just finish the project I’m working on because that’s more important to me.
And I started wondering if I don’t listen when God speaks to me maybe eventually he just stops talking- at least until I’m willing to listen again. And then I get all skeptical because I can’t hear him in the two minute time frame I give him to speak, or telling me just what I want to hear.
And, believing that our God is really good at heart I assume it is not as much him backing away as it is me deading my spiritual ears, but the effect is the same. It seems like he stops speaking. I can’t get mad at God for not speaking to me if whenever he does I don’t even do what he asks of me.
Raw Spoon, May 2, 2016