Last weekend I still felt like I was stumbling through a deep, washed out ravine of darkness. I felt worthless. Rarely had I ever been so low and desperate.
But when I eventually realized that the heavy air and the crumbling dirt and my own nature made it too much for me to climb out on my own, I started finally, after years of mediocre efforts, to depend on God’s quiet voice. . . for pretty much everything.
Christianity is not a religion of following rules. It is a relationship of following instructions- personalized, daily messages from our creator, to us.
When I heard and obeyed God’s instruction to let go of a thought, or to get away and pray, or to just trust that my future is planned by Him, they felt like little footholds that no longer gave way, and I started to make headway up the edge of the ravine. I started to glimpse daylight.
I summited sometime yesterday, to more stable ground.
And now I was finally feeling free.
Because of that I’ve started to understand that His strict commands can actually be his instructions to help us climb out of our dark cages, and into freedom.
Things are getting easier now, Lord, and they have been for a couple days. And it’s getting a little harder to hear your voice. But if I begin to forget you, God, I’m okay if you take me back to a low place . . . I mean, I trust you, if you think it is good. Because though the ravine was really, really hard, I’m afraid it was in the ravine that I felt you closest to me.
I miss my father and captain. My stern guide. My faithful hiking comrade.