STORY: The Love of Beauty, and the Beauty of Love

"Grandma, I'm afraid I'll never be ready to marry him," Henrietta lifted her arms from the table in protest, "because I know he is going to lose more hair, and get more of a dad bod and whatever feeling of attraction I still have will go away completely. That's always been my fear of getting married."

"I know." Her grandma said as she tied up a bag of bread slices at the counter. "And now I imagine it's harder dating at this age, because you see more of a glimpse of what these fading bodies become."

"But I think that's why I'm almost 40 and not married! The moment I lose attraction, my desire to be with them totally disappears and I dump them."

Her grandma turned around and looked at her, "Does it go away completely and forever?"

"Well," Henrietty lifted her hands in desperation, "for that date pretty much yeah- completely gone. But... not forever I guess. I mean it comes and goes. Like, it wasn't until the fifth or sixth date with David that he took off his hat and I saw his receding hair. Since then, I mean I've pushed through and-- Some days I totally tank, but other days, from some angles it doesn't look bad and I feel some attraction those days."

Her grandma turned around at the sink, holding the butter knife which was spread with mayonnaise and nodded with sympathy. "I don't think you need to worry so much, Hunny."

"Did you ever struggle with this fear?"

"Not really. I don't think most people think about it as much as you do. But now that we know you have 'Relationship OCD', or whatever the counselor called it, maybe that explains some of it, Dear--"

"But," Henrietta objected, "shouldn't we worry about it?! We're all going to lose attraction to our spouse and that desire will to just disappear! Everyone else can somehow just ignore that inevitable future somehow!"

"Just get good at selflessly loving him, Darling. And if he does the same, you two will be alright."

"But every time I start to get close to a guy, and see something like a dad belly or balding, I completely lose the magic. Any feeling of excitement is replaced by fear because I know it's just a precursor of things to come. And it all just becomes so heavy." Henrietta put her head in her hands.

"Does David love you well, Darling?"

Henrietta thought for a few seconds and then released a hesitant, "Yes."

"And do you think you can love him when you're not attracted?"

"I don't know. I just feel fear and resentment will set in."

"That's very real." Her grandma looked at the clock on the wall. "I think once you can learn to be sweet to someone even with their flaws, you'll be okay. I think you can do it."

Her grandma put her hand on Henrietta's shoulder and said. "I don't mean to cut you off, Love, but we've been chatting a while and your grandpa will be coming home soon. Why don't you go talk to God about this."

Henrietta nodded and touched her grandma's hand. Henrietta got up in a few moments and climbed the stairs to her attic room. She opened the door and peered into her space, so articulately controlled and beautified. "Oh God, why do I want to leave relationships every time the attraction goes away?! Why can't I be happy with David and his flaws?"

She saw the gray light coming from the perfect square window at the end of her room, centered under the peaked roof of the ceiling. As she went to it, the beautiful trees and houses and street below came into view. She saw her grandma opening the gate of their yard and turn around to close the behind her. Her grandma heard something and looked up to the left. Henrietta's grandpa came into view. They were both old, gray and hunched by now. They waddled more than they walked. They each had their quirks, she knew all too well. Their bodies were often the reminder of what any partner of hers would become someday and she saw nothing attractive in that.

But then her grandma held out the sandwich she had made for him. He smiled, took it, and took a big bite. He chewed it, visibly savoring the flavor and looked at her with a smile. He leaned down and kissed her lips. He felt raindrops and looked at the sky; it was drizzling. He did a little jig and then reached for her hand. He spun her every so carefully. As Henrietta's grandmother turned Henrietta saw her pure smile.

Then he took her hand in his and they hobbled away on their daily walk together.

Henrietta smiled down at the scene. "Now that is adorable, God."

She then noticed how her disdain for the lack of beauty between them had momentarily been replaced by a pure feeling of beauty. But it had not come from seeing perfect bodies, but from seeing such selfless love and joy.

She sat down at her desk and opened her pristine, pink journal. She propped her head on her hand for a few minutes. Then she wrote, "Maybe the love of beauty is meant to be replaced by the beauty of love." She re-read and studied it. Then she added, "God, replace my fear of the loss of beauty, with allure to love and being loved."

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Can we begin to replace the pursuit of beauty with instead pursuing the beauty that comes from loving others well.

Raw Spoon, July 3, 2025