STORY: The Love of Beauty, and the Beauty of Love

"Grandma, I'm afraid I'll never be ready to marry him," Henrietta lifted her arms from the kitchen table in protest, "because I know he is going to lose more hair, and get more of a dad bod and whatever bits of attraction I still feel will go away completely. That's always been my fear of getting married."

"I know." Her grandma said as she tied up a bag of bread slices at the counter. "And now I imagine it's harder dating since you're a little bit older, because you see more of a glimpse of what these old bodies become."

"But I think that's WHY I've made it to 40 without every finding someone good enough! The moment I lose attraction, my desire to be with them disappears and I dump them."

"Does it go away forever?"

"I mean, I guess it comes and goes. It's whenever David takes off that hat and I see his receding hair. It ruins the whole date for me. Oh God, I hope he wears a hat tonight. I'm afraid in the state I'm in today, that'd be the end." Her voice was tense, her head in her hands.

Her grandma turned around at the sink, holding the butter knife which was spread with mayonnaise and nodded her sympathy. "I don't think you need to worry so much, Hunny."

"Did you ever struggle with fear like this, Grandma?"

"Not really. I don't think most people think about it as much as you do. But now that we know you have 'Relationship OCD', or whatever the counselor called it, maybe that explains some of it, Dear--"

"But," Henrietta objected, "shouldn't we worry about it?! Don't people realize; we're all going to lose attraction to our spouses eventually! Do people just ignore that until they get married, and then when it happens they just get divorced, or just quietly live feeling trapped the rest of their lives?"

"Just get good at selflessly loving him, Darling. And if he does the same, you two will be alright."

"But every time I start to get close to a guy, and see something like a dad belly or balding, I completely lose the magic. Any feeling of excitement is replaced by fear because I know it's just a precursor of things to come. And it all just becomes so heavy." Henrietta put her head in her hands.

"Does David love you well, Darling?"

Henrietta thought for a few seconds and then released a hesitant, "Yes."

"And do you think you can love him when you're not attracted?"

"I don't know. I just feel like resentment will set in."

"That's very real." Her grandma looked at the clock on the wall. "I think once you can learn to be sweet to someone even when you don't feel romantically attracted, you'll be okay. I think you can do it."

Her grandma put her hand on Henrietta's shoulder and said, "I don't mean to cut you off, Love, but we've been chatting a while and your grandpa will be coming home soon. Seems like maybe this is something you could continue talking to God about."

Henrietta nodded and touched her grandma's hand. Henrietta got up in a few moments and climbed the stairs to her attic room. She opened the door and peered into her space, so perfectly controlled and beautified. "Oh God, why do I want to leave relationships every time the attraction goes away?! Why can't I be happy with David and his flaws?"

She saw the gray light coming from the perfect square window at the end of her room, centered under the peaked roof of the ceiling. As she went to it, the gray sky and beautiful trees and rooftops and the street below came into view. She saw her grandma below, opening the gate of their yard and turning around to close it behind her. Her grandma heard something and looked up to the left. Henrietta's grandpa came into view. They were both old, gray and hunched by now. They waddled more than they walked. They each had their quirks, Henrietta knew all too well. Their bodies were often the reminder of what any partner of hers would become someday and that scared her.

But then her grandma held out the sandwich she had made for him. He smiled, took it, and took a big bite. He chewed it, visibly savoring the flavor and looked at her with a smile. He leaned down and kissed her lips. He did a little jig and then reached for her hand. He spun her ever so carefully and as Henrietta's grandmother slowly twirled Henrietta saw her authentically happy.

He felt a raindrop and looked at the sky; it was drizzling. Then he took her hand in his and they hobbled away on their daily walk together.

Henrietta smiled down at the scene. "Now that is adorable, God."

She then noticed how her disdain for the lack of beauty between them had momentarily been replaced by a pure feeling of beauty. But it had not come from seeing perfect bodies, but from seeing such selfless love and joy.

She sat down at her desk and opened her pristine, pink journal. She propped her head on her hand for a few minutes. Then she wrote, "Maybe the love of beauty is meant to be eventually replaced by the beauty of love." She re-read and studied it. Then she added, "God, you see my fear of losing attraction to my spouse. Please replace it with an allure to the beauty of bringing joy and love to one other person for the rest of my life."

***

Three hours later there was a knock on their door. Her grandma hobbled to the door as Henrietta jumped up and gathered her things.

Henrietta met them at the door. David held his hat and an umbrella in his folded hands and the old woman was blushing as if he had complemented her.

"Hello lovely." David said as he saw Henrietta. "That dress is beautiful." He leaned down to kiss her, but then noticed Henrietta wasn't quite ready for it. She was looking down and biting her lips. She had seen raindrops glistening on his sparsely haired scalp.

Then she slowly looked up, saw his affectionate eyes on her and a smile grew on her face. "Um. I made us some sandwiches." She lifted two little sandwhich bags bashfully. "I thought it would be sweet if we could go walking in the rain, maybe, unless you have other plans." She gave a cute, shy smile.

"You're such a darling!" David leaned in and swooped her up, his strong arms under her knees and her back. She reached around him and put her chin on his shoulder, looking back at her grandma. He whispered to her, "I see you're struggling a little. We can work through it together." And then he said loud enough for her grandma to hear, "But it looks like I'll be doing most of the walking. Hold this thing and feed me those delicious looking sandwiches! I'm guessing all this sweetness you have comes straight from that sweet grandma of yours."

She shared a smile with her grandma all the way out the gate.

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Can we begin to replace the pursuit of beauty with instead pursuing the beauty that comes from loving others well.

Raw Spoon, July 3, 2025