She stood at the kitchen counter, at midnight, binge eating brownies. They were way too rich and chocolatey to do this without repercussion, but she had finished off the potato chips last night.
And she needed some release.
She just felt so resentful at her brother who she lived with. He gave her free rent because she was between jobs but he nagged on her all the time about being too messy or spending all day in bed.
And she had been too negative for her husband who had left her after five years of marriage. And her parents had stopped calling as often because they basically said they needed to draw boundaries around her negativity.
She didn't want to be. She just always was. How'd she get this way? She tried to do better, every time her brother came into the room, she put in extra effort to be nice, but went back to resenting him again because he asked her to clean the bathroom or whatever.
Dang, these brownies were just so rich. Just so chocolaty. Her whole mouth and body felt oozing with chocolate. Uggh.
"God," she prayed, "I just don't think I can keep trying to resist my negativity. I just mess up all the time. And I can't imagine you are cool with my negativity. My husband wasn't. My brother isn't. My parents aren't. My boss wasn't. God, it just seems so ingrained in who I am. I give up. I can't fight it. Everyone else has given up on me."
Wow, what was it in these brownies? She picked up the box of brownie mix. They just coated everything in her with chocolate. So delicious, but so relentlessly rich. bleh. She turned it over and looked for the ingredients. She read, "I am RICH IN MERCY."
She blinked, and looked again. It actually said "Ian's RICH in MILK Chocolate mix."
But she had gotten the message. She knew her Bible well enough to be reminded of the verse that said God is rich in mercy. She put her head in her hands and prayed, as she sucked on the chocolate coating her mouth.
"God, thank you for not giving up on me. And having mercy so . . . so . . . relentlessly rich."
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Do you find yourself constantly fighting against something inside you? Does it feel like a lost cause? Well, our God is rich in mercy and will stick with you past when everyone else will. Don't give up on your becoming holy. God and his rich mercy has not.
Ephesians 2:4-5: 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
Raw Spoon, 2-21-21
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