I want to be a man who lives not for pleasure but for a purpose.
Honestly, my little pleasure is masturbation. And although this seems weird and rare, through a long process of maturing, I am at the place where I can do it most of the time even without fantasy.
But throughout the 40 days of lent, some friends and I have endeavored to do without it all together. And somehow, through this season, I have been able to abstain for longer than I ever have before.
And as lent comes to a close, and now that I know I can make it this long, I have a decision to make.
Do I want to try to give it up forever?
On the one hand I can say what harm does it do, to treat myself to little pleasures every now and then, when my body seems ready, especially if there is rarely lust involved?
But on the other hand i think of the type of man I could be. The type that decides to abstain from something that might not even be a sin because he is motivated not for what brings him pleasure, but for what fulfills his purpose.
I remember there is a proverb that says, the prayer of a righteous man availeth much. What if abstaining from a harmless indulgence increases a man’s righteousness and makes his prayers for his friends powerful? What if the mere choice of abstaining proves to the spiritual world exactly how strongly a man is committed to righteousness. I want to be like that, with prayers as powerful as that.
And what will I do in those moments where it seems so easy and harmless just to please myself? I can ask myself what type of man do I want to be, and decide to postpone the pleasure so it will be sweeter when I am married. And if I know that I am not going to pleasure myself even when I’m married, I imagine that I will be constantly wooing my wife. I want a marriage like that.
I’ve never been able to do it before, but through a long, slow process of improving I feel confident that I am ruled by my impulses less than ever before, and I see that I am really starting to desire righteousness over what I can get “for me” out of life.
God, I pray for your help to be a man of obedience. Not impulse. A man of ur will and not my own. A man not of my pleasures, but a man of principles, and who fulfills the purposes you have for me.
Please share this with anyone. It is time to be honest, brave, and righteous.