STORY: Scientist Married to His Faith

Steven Kelley finished reading his report to the nation at the press conference. "It's not ideal but if we do nothing. . ." He shifted and looked in vain for allies in the audience, "Well, we know the hospitalization rate has doubled each month since patient 0." He took a deep breath. "I will now take questions."

"Sir!" a sharp male voice shot at him. "My source says the drug testing was not a full double blind study, and peer reviewers had concerns."

Steven took a long drink of water and took as long as he could draw it out to swallow. He finally said, "It was a double blind, but only for one year. Not the 18 months for the margin of safety we usually want." He knew each of these facts could lessen his credibility. The president's PR team as well as Twitter would scrutinize every part of every statement, but he wanted to be truthful now. "It was internally reviewed extensively and we sent it out to 14 labs for additional review, 12 verified our results with no concerns. Two said they saw no concerns but asked if they could see our samples. So we sent them. We haven't heard back yet. But like I said, time is a concern here."

They fired more ruthless questions at him for 15 minutes. Each one was like an arrow searching for a gap in his armor, a flaw in his credibility. It was a more polarized nation than he had ever seen in his 32 years in the Department of Health and Human Services.

He pointed to a reporter he didn't know near the back. A blonde woman with maroon-framed readers resting on her nose. "Mr. Kelley," The room grew silent, this long of a pause was out of place. "I have a friend, who said you go to her church." Heads slowly turned around to look at her. "How do you expect the nation to trust you on this most critical issue of science, if you also trust in invisible, unprovable beliefs, one might say myths?" Her smile grew into a mysterious smirk and she suddenly struck him as familiar. Where had he seen her before?

He removed his own glasses and folded them. He knew for some this could be their check mate against him. So many scientists totally disregarded anybody who believed in God. But he knew his answer. "Ma'am. I am naturally a skeptic. I am a naturalist, meaning I base my decisions on what research says. When many at my church have had spiritual experiences, I have not. Unlike my wife, I do not 'know'--in fact I'm not even sure-- that I THINK God exists. In my experience, if someone is looking for proof that God exists, those people often find it. And those who don't want him find reason enough to not believe. My best guess at God is 50/50.

"Then why do you believe... Sir?"

There were plenty that go to church that don't really believe. But she said it with confidence, like she knew he did believe. The question was far off-topic, but for some reason the room turned back and waited breathlessly for his response. Perhaps the room wanted to see a man caught betraying either his church or his science. Again, he knew his answer, he had walked a classroom through it after someone in the Sunday School that he taught had asked a similar question.

His eyes moved across the faces holding their pens as sharp as poison syringes. But in this one thing he would walk the gauntlet confidently even if they used it to massacre him. "May I ask you a question, ma'am? Are you married?"

All the eyes were batted back to her.

The woman smiled, and she slowly said, "I still am, gratefully Sir. . . Happily in fact." Did he sense tears gathering in her eyes? Wait, why did she look so familiar?

He slowly replied, "Well, I have been married for 3 decades, almost as long as I've worked as a scientist. I have become a skeptic of love as well. Partly because my marriage honestly didn't deliver on what I hoped it would be. And. . . neither did my. . ." Could he say this? Would anybody trust him after this?! Now HIS eyes began to water. "Neither did my two affairs. Our hope in the ideal betrays us. Humans cannot fulfill our heavenly hopes. But you know what was real?" He swallowed and wiped his eyes. "She took me back."

He looked around. Faces were confused, but were not about to miss what he was going to say next. Shoot. What WAS he going to say next. He looked down as if he had notes for this in front of him. He sniffed, and shook it off. He looked back at the woman. She still had that knowing smile, and the misty eyes. She trusted in him somehow.

Wait! He knew who she was. She had been in his Bible study and was the one that asked if he really believed in God AND science. She had come up to Steven and his wife after the Bible study that day. She was in an existential crisis. She was on the verge of leaving both her marriage and her faith. He had explained to her his unusual perspective on each. When she had walked away that day she seemed to have found a bit of resolve. But he had not seen her again until now. He breathed in deeply as her gaze strengthened him and her smile had caught his face now too."

"The reason I bring this up is because that is like my belief in God. Life is like this: at any decision we must look at the best evidence we have and make our decision. We are at two open doors. We go forward through one, or its another, or we do nothing. To do nothing will not solve anything. So we choose the door we think is best. I chose the God door because I see so much beauty in science. I usually think the intricacy attests to God's design, in fact. I also chose it because I learned that God loves us so much that he made himself like us, and made friends with selfish people, and he loved them so much, that he died for them, and everyone like them! Like me." His smile was so large now. He wiped his eyes. "So I don't think there's a perfect answer for faith or marriage. But there are some good ones." He took a deep breath before he concluded. "And I know I've chosen some very good ones."

The hum of murmuring rustled through the crowd of reporters. The same woman's voice rose one last time above the others. "So what do you think are the chances that this drug works?"

A big smile grew on his face as he smirked. A moment later he said, "I think the chances this drug will work are far better than those that God exists."

She smiled equally as big and said, "I like those odds."

Raw Spoon, January 4, 2026.