So on this journey of trying to learn to pray I think I learned something new today. I suppose most people have learned this long ago. But for me it came as I tried to pray and just could not. I kept getting distracted. I felt like a ship being thrown to and fro in the ocean.
And in this frustrating, wasteful-feeling mental wandering, the word I felt I got from God was "press in."
My instinct was to just quit and do something that I could control. Particularly this morning eventually I succumbed to working on my website. God had said press in. And I pressed in. I got distracted. He said press in. I pressed in. A couple more times of this until I got distracted again and decided to start working on my website. And I think my distracted ways of thoughts have been continuing. But at least I was now doing something with an end, something productive to show for my time. That is my vice. Needing to be productive. I can control that. I can harness those dogs in one direction. God, I don't want to waste your resources you've given to me. But I produce at the expense of knowing You, I'm afraid.
Maybe tomorrow I will win and I’ll continue to press in.
Raw Spoon, Jan 10, 2020