Sarah had been left by her husband. Left with a special needs child. Her husband had been the one to want kids but then he bailed when raising an ornery, half-paralyzed child was too hard.
She was constantly trying to overcome the resulting bitterness. Thoughts shot through her and she found herself muttering angry quips at her ex-husband all day. And as much as it made her feel like a bad person, she often muttered curses toward her son.
But maybe God was redeeming the divorce, in a way. She went on a lady's retreat last weekend and when she was crying out to God about why he had taken away her husband, she thought she heard the words "Isaiah 54:5." She looked it up and it said, "For your maker is your husband. . . as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit."
She was extremely touched. God was her husband. And now she wanted to love God like a good wife would. But she was a gift giver. That was her love language. And now she was pondering, how do you give gifts to God who has everything?
As she was spoon feeding her son she was asking God, "what can I give to you that you don't already have?" Then her son spit the green slime all over her white work blouse and she found the worst of curses building pressure behind her teeth.
And she suddenly heard, "Give me that. I want that."
What? she thought. What do you want, God? Oh . . . Oh. She looked down at the green as she felt the wetness touch her chest. She took a deep breath.
Okay, she thought. You can have that thought. It is yours. And the pressure in her mouth slowly dissipated.
She cleaned up the mess and glanced at her watch. She was late for work and her babysitter wasn't there. A curse for her ex-husband cued up in her head. She opened her mouth and then heard, "That too."
It stopped her in her tracks. Now she saw what was happening. She stumbled over and crumpled to her couch. Tears came to her eyes as she prayed, "Okay, God. But I'm going to need help. I can see how you will use my gifts to you as a purification of me. I want to be your beautiful bride."
What thought patterns is God asking you to give up to him?
Raw Spoon, 12-31-2020