Some mornings I wake up and my mind starts going in a way I don't want. For you it's probably about something different but for me it's usually about my romantic relationship stuff. It's crazy. Like an hour later I realize that's all I've been thinking about, stressful things I mean, and I'm coming to terms with the fact that that is not normal.
And it's not healthy. It's been like this with every relationship I've been in and I've discovered this year it is very likely what psychologists call "Relationship OCD". It's a diagnosable illness. It'll be an uphill battle to manage it. It's in my nature, and probably for the rest of my life.
I've been trying to focus on prayer in the mornings (come to Gilly Brew Bar if you want to pray with me too! See calendar on home page). And through it I'm learning slow and little things. One of them is that I get to choose my thoughts.
Instead of getting out of the wrong side of the bed, I can choose to get out on the right side. One way is to choose to pray as those first thoughts begin to barrage me. The easiest for me is to just start listing things I'm thankful for. At the top of my list is almost always... yep, my girlfriend. But then as I keep thanking God for things like my breath that feels so good, and that thing that happened yesterday, and my brothers and my family, I find myself praying FOR them.
And an hour later I find I'm chest-deep in prayer. It takes a little push to get in that deep, it seems a little unnatural during different seasons of life, but the habit of giving thanks is a good on-ramp.
Raw Spoon, Jan 9, 2020.